Sometimes, life just doesn’t go as planned.

We lost our daycare last week.

I know that it was for reasons out of my daycare mom’s control. I know that it’s not what she wanted. Not what she meant to happen. Not the way we were ment to part ways. I’m not mad. Not in the least.

I’m sad. My heart is broken for me, the Hubby, but most of all for Parker.

What you should know is that Parker’s daycare mom was as close to family as a non-blood related person can get. I’ve known her and her family for over 10 years. I met her younger brother in high school and his family kinda took me in as one of their own. If I’ve ever needed anything they, the whole family, has been there for me. And I for them.

So when I got pregnant, knowing that they ran a home daycare, it was a natural choice for us. We knew that not only would our child be well cared for, he would be loved.

That is the only thing that made me able to go back to work (kicking and screaming) after my 8 wonderful weeks at home with my new baby. I knew that he was in the best hands. I knew that I didn’t have to worry. It made the transition back to work bearable.

Last week, we of course had to find a new daycare. We decided to go with a daycare center vs. another home daycare. Not having that trust/bond with the person/people running the daycare made the Hubby and I a little nervous about leaving Parker in someones home that we didn’t know.

There are several bonus’ of the new daycare, the biggest one being that it is a lot closer. So my drive time is cut down by a least half. Also, there are kids his own age. He was always with older children before. Not that it was a bad thing but it is kinda nice that he’ll have playmates his own size now.

There are some down sides to the new daycare though. The hardest to swallow is that it is $12 a day more. Which seriously adds up. Quick. The biggest thing that I’m struggling with is that I know that he will be “cared” for, but he wont be loved. At least not like he was before.

So I’m just sad. Sad that Parker has lost his 2nd mom. The one who has cared for him since he was fresh and new. The one who has been there for almost his entire little life whenever I couldn’t be. I’m sad that he has lost his best friends. The only friends he had outside of our “family”.

I’m sad that he isn’t going to understand. He’s not going to know why he is going to a new place. A place that doesn’t have a big black dog that licks his face when he walks in the door. That doesn’t have his favorite trucks. A place that isn’t going to let him walk around with his sippy cup.

I’m also sad for Parker’s daycare mom. She is losing Parker. Along with the rest of her daycare family. Her entire world is changing. Her family’s income is gone. My heart breaks for her. For all of them. For the struggles that they are facing. For the loss they too have suffered.

I know that Parker will be fine. I’ll be fine. That it will just take some time to adjust. I’m sure that he will love it once he gets to know the other kids and staff. I just wish he was a little older so I could try to explain things to him and have him understand me. So maybe he could reassure and tell me, “Ya, Mom. I had fun today.”

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