I didn’t bail on this weeks check in. Entirely, that is. I’ve been meaning to write since Friday but other things have just been taking priority. I was really hoping that last week’s post was going to help get me back on track. It didn’t. But the scale finally did on Friday morning.
After gaining, yet again, I started asking myself why in the hell was I doing this to myself AGAIN?? Why was I letting one effing stomach bug knock me off track this far? Why can’t I find that drive and determination that I had when I started this???
My only real answer is a bull shit one. It’s a bull shit excuse.
I don’t feel like it.
I don’t feel like caring about it. I don’t want to weigh my food, it’s easier to just eat it. I don’t want to think about it all. I don’t want to workout when I could be doing _______. I just don’t want to.
Guess what not “feeling like it” gets me? Fat.
The scale needs to be going down. I’m not happy with my body at this size. It’s not healthy. I’m setting a poor example for my kids. There are endless reasons to list as to why I MUST lose this weight. There are no reasons for me to stay here. Only excuses. Being lazy and not wanting too, are awful excuses to stop trying.
So after a nice little chat with myself that consisted of a lot of creative curse words and mental head smacking, I got my ass in gear working out and started tracking everything I ate. Again. I’m at day 3 and still going strong. There have been several moments of, “Oh, do I have too?!?!?!” Which is when my inner skinny bitch trainer starts screaming at me.
I finally feel like I’m back on track after like a month(?!) of wandering somewhere nearby the realm of caring and I’m really hoping that I’ll have a weight loss to share with you on Friday.
As of this morning I was down a total of 11 lbs from the start of this back in… March… I believe… Sure, we’ll go with that. Which puts me up by 0.4 from last week. It’s not a big amount but that is also down about 2 lbs from an earlier weigh-in this week. It’s those little bits that can add up fast if you don’t track your weight. I know that some people can just tell by their clothes if they are gaining weight but I must not have the right kind of clothes or something. I can gain like 15-20 lbs before I would need to go up a size. (effing stretch jeans & yoga pants)
I’d love to hear some success stories and motivational tips if anyone has any because although I feel more on track than I have in a LONG time, the first couple of weeks are hard!