Fluffy Friday: Sunday’s BS excuse edition

I didn’t bail on this weeks check in. Entirely, that is. I’ve been meaning to write since Friday but other things have just been taking priority. I was really hoping that last week’s post was going to help get me back on track. It didn’t. But the scale finally did on Friday morning.

After gaining, yet again, I started asking myself why in the hell was I doing this to myself AGAIN?? Why was I letting one effing stomach bug knock me off track this far? Why can’t I find that drive and determination that I had when I started this???

My only real answer is a bull shit one. It’s a bull shit excuse.

I don’t feel like it.

I don’t feel like caring about it. I don’t want to weigh my food, it’s easier to just eat it. I don’t want to think about it all. I don’t want to workout when I could be doing _______. I just don’t want to.

Guess what not “feeling like it” gets me? Fat.

The scale needs to be going down. I’m not happy with my body at this size. It’s not healthy. I’m setting a poor example for my kids. There are endless reasons to list as to why I MUST lose this weight. There are no reasons for me to stay here. Only excuses. Being lazy and not wanting too, are awful excuses to stop trying.

So after a nice little chat with myself that consisted of a lot of creative curse words and mental head smacking, I got my ass in gear working out and started tracking everything I ate. Again. I’m at day 3 and still going strong. There have been several moments of, “Oh, do I have too?!?!?!” Which is when my inner skinny bitch trainer starts screaming at me.

I finally feel like I’m back on track after like a month(?!) of wandering somewhere nearby the realm of caring and I’m really hoping that I’ll have a weight loss to share with you on Friday.

As of this morning I was down a total of 11 lbs from the start of this back in… March… I believe… Sure, we’ll go with that. Which puts me up by 0.4 from last week. It’s not a big amount but that is also down about 2 lbs from an earlier weigh-in this week. It’s those little bits that can add up fast if you don’t track your weight. I know that some people can just tell by their clothes if they are gaining weight but I must not have the right kind of clothes or something. I can gain like 15-20 lbs before I would need to go up a size.  (effing stretch jeans & yoga pants)

I’d love to hear some success stories and motivational tips if anyone has any because although I feel more on track than I have in a LONG time, the first couple of weeks are hard!

Excuses: I’d rather be fat & happy

Excuse: I’d rather be fat & happy than skinny and miserable.

I was talking with my brother yesterday and we were talking about the changes that Matt and I have been making with our mission to get healthy. He made the comment that he could NEVER weigh his food and he would rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable. I paused when he said this and just thought, then you don’t get it. Nothing I can say will make you understand, because you are not ready to hear it. It’s just going to be crazy talk to you.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure there are truly happy “fat” people. I’m just not one of them. I never have been, and never will be. I will forever be thinking about my weight and my body and my health because it is something that I care a great deal about. I’m also not saying that all skinny people are happy. Not even close. When I talk about people being happy and fit and healthy, the people that I picture in my mind and are the people that I’m referring too are those that have worked for their body. They are the weight loss success stories. They are the biggest loser folks. They are the people who have literally worked their ass off for how they look. From what I see, it’s those people that truly appreciate their health and fitness and small dress size because they have been to the other side. They have had the years of being unhappy with their bodies and then they decided to finally do something about it. It’s their determination, strength and drive that I admire and aspire to have.

I don’t want to find happiness and comfort in food anymore. Food is for nutrition. It is fuel for my body, so I can make my body do amazing things. I want to find my happiness and comfort in the fact that I have pushed my body to the limit that day and truly amazed myself. I want to see and feel that wonder and bliss of taking my health and body into my own control and molding myself into someone I’m proud to be.

In the past I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m happy with the body I have now. That I just like food too much to give up the “freedom” to eat whatever I want, whenever I want it. But it’s a lie. I might find satisfaction in that cupcake (or 3) or eating a whole pizza or stuffing myself full of whatever strikes my fancy at that moment but it’s short lived. Soon I’m just looking for something else. This is a food addiction. As a food addict, and because I can’t go without it, I’ve got to change my view of food and it’s purpose. I’m learning to eat for the nutrition, not the pleasure. Now, it’s not like I don’t enjoy what I’m eating. I still love to eat! I’m just choosing things I love that have actual nutrition value and can fuel my body. I’m also learning to love new things to replace my old unhealthy choices. I fully believe that I can be healthy and thin(ner) and still love to eat while enjoying what I eat. It just comes back to choosing the right foods and the correct portion.

I’m not saying that there wont be days when I (we) indulge a bit. Yesterday (Easter) was the 1st big challenge that we have faced since embarking on our lifestyle overhaul. We knew that it was coming and that our family dinner wouldn’t be prepared by us. That we wouldn’t know exactly what we were eating, and that tracking calories was going to be an issue. BUT THAT IS OKAY. We even indulged in a bit of the famous Easter Chocolate too. We did our best to track our calories and then we put in some extra time into working out because of what we ate. I gotta say though, I felt like crap at the end of the day! The sugar high and subsequent crash afterward was awful! It was the 1st time that I had had that much (great tasting) very unhealthy food, and that for me just isn’t worth it. I want to feel good at the end of the day because of the choices I’ve made for my body, not regretful.

Are all fat people happy? This one isn’t. Are all skinny people miserable? Absolutely not. I’m happy and proud to be taking control over my addiction to food. My goal is to feel fit and healthy and feel better about how I look in the mirror.

Excuse: I’m not meant to lose weight

Excuse: I’m not meant to lose weight.

Matthew and I are all about having information. We Google almost everything. If we have a question my first response is always, “I don’t know… Google it.” In the world we live in now there is no excuse to ever not have the information you want or need. As we are almost 2 weeks into our total life change and the scale hasn’t really budged in almost a week despite (me) working out all but one day and staying under my allowed calories… I have to think that I’m not doing something correctly. In the past this is where I would give up, say “I’m doing everything I should be and it’s not working! I’m not meant to lose weight!” and go make cupcakes. Total BULL SHIT. AND NOT THIS TIME! Instead, I ask why? what? how? am I? should I??? and after doing some research, my thoughts were (I believe) confirmed.

I’m not eating enough.

Going from WAY over eating, to eating 1400 calories (or less) and working out for an hour on the elliptical gave my body the initial 5lb drop but then as my body adjusted (I believe) I’ve slowed my metabolism way down because there were a few days where I wasn’t even netting 1000 calories(calories you eat – calories you burn=net calories). Last week, I was almost 1300 calories under budget for the week and when I’m only “allowed 1400” for the day it’s like not eating for a whole day! Not smart on my part.

So in my Google adventure, I found a great article with a ton of information and great explanations. (Read the article first!) The writer then has you go to a site to actually figure out your Body Fat Percentage, Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) so you’re able to compute the actual amount of calories you should net for the day, rather than using just a general height/weight/I want to lose Xlbs general calculation that is unfortunately not accurate for everyone.

I then used the Goal Body Weight  tool to accurately determine what my HEALTHY goal weight should be, instead of just picking a number that I think would be nice to see on the scale. Because healthy is what is the most important thing here.  Side note: Can I say that there really is nothing more embarrassing for me than measuring my fat. Even when it’s just me locked in the bathroom… Ugh! That just so happens to be the main reason I haven’t done it in many years. So even as embarrassing as it might be, the measurements are so necessary for accurate information. And information is the key in all of this.

Now that I’m armed with some new information and a new plan, I’m going to try this for the next couple of weeks. If the scale still isn’t moving, or (cringe) going up, I’ll re-evaluate things again. Do some more research. And try something else! Weight loss takes patience and what works for some might not work for me, but as long as I’m still working at it, I’m heading in the right direction!